i’m on my first plane on my way home from spending a month in bali. four full weeks in the place between heaven and earth…
shift happened.
i didn’t even have to initiate the change, it just happened. taking myself out of my daily mix has always been revealing and healing for me. this is the third year in a row i have left home for a month.
so many things happened. so many things i needed…
i co-hosted my first retreat with Steph and Dan, confirming those two are my absolute favorite traveling companions on the planet. i also hosted a solo retreat with minimal planning, other than movement twice daily, leaving lots of room for adventure, exploration and freedom to roam. both retreats were a success.
i won’t pretend i can speak for the attendees but as a facilitator and observer, both went according to plan and exceeded all of my expectations. with one successful retreat and one failed retreat before this month, i needed two great successes like these to fuel future attempts…
i spent so much time barefoot and not always in the most comfortable conditions. i hiked up a volcano, burned my feet in hot sand, and ventured into water, onto rocks, into waterfalls, and onto stones. i really needed to feel more with my feet…
i spent time with people 24/7 and only started craving my usual solidarity the last few days of the trip. these people became friends, family and cherished loved ones to me. i don’t really get close to many people in my daily life so this experience stretched me to the limit. i really needed that break from myself and my reclusive nature…
i spent time naked, in front of many people. i let myself be seen more than i ever have before on a physical level. i revelled in the beauty of being human in my unique human body. it was so fucking liberating. a couple of the retreat attendees called me “Eve” on several occasions. i can’t begin to tell you how that made me feel, I’ll write about that later. i needed this… to peel back my worn outer layer of skin covered in old ideas and old fears to reveal fresh new skin for the sun to shine on.…
i spent time just being instead of doing. being in the moment, not completing the writing, reading, or workouts i had in mind to do while i was there. i really needed to let go of the need to do it all…
i spent time letting go of how i needed things to go. i sat in my own discomfort a few times just letting myself be in it. i didn’t force things to go the way i wanted them to go, i just let them go regardless of my own inner discomfort. i really needed to let go of my need to control the way things go…
i spent time eating whatever the cuss i wanted to eat. it was sensual and magical. some tastes were phenomenal and orgasmic. some tastes were excessively pungent and terribly awful as cuss (i had a traumatizing fish sauce experience). it was great while it lasted but now that i’m on my way home, i’m ready to get back to foods that serve my body for the best rather than serving my tastebuds. i really needed that timeout from daily restrictions to appreciate why i practice them…
i really needed Bali this past month and now i’m beyond stoked to return to my amazing life renewed, refreshed and revitalized. i feel like a new person, forever changed, forever in service and forever grateful.
I’ll write ya again soon, Veazey