I hadn’t fucked up in a long time. Not really anyway. I forgot what its like… but now, i’ve just fucked up so bring on the memories.
The shame, the self-debilitating talk, the feeling of disappointment not only from others but from myself, and thought after thought of wanting to go back and erase something.
You don’t get to erase anything though. Life is interesting that way. All you can do it paint over what’s already there. Create from where you are.
I’ve noticed this human tendency when we fuck up, we want to start over, but that is so rarely an option. When they can’t start over, people freeze up, sometimes panic, or lose their imagination and not be able to move forward because shit did NOT go as planned, it’s not perfect and it got fucked up.
“Now i don’t want it anymore.” Says the kid with the fucked up project. But if you don’t want to own it, with all the fuck-up-ness and you turn away from it, you’ll stay right there, stuck in that fucked up place forever.
Just like everything else, fuck ups must be accepted. Not only accepted but forgiven and embraced so that love can be put into the new solution. Nothing stays the same, so moving forward, how will you impact the course correction?
Fuck ups lead to beautiful mistakes all the time. But only if the fuck up isn’t abandoned. Where you are, in all your flawed glory, you must become the new canvas, as is. Start creating new on top of the canvas and lay it on thick so it can seep down into the fibers and rather than be a story built on broken pieces, it’s a story about healing broken pieces back together.
A message from your friendly-neighborhood human, Veazey.
p.s. i’m sorry i haven’t written in a while. things have been hard. things have also been magnificent. anyway, here’s my first attempt at getting back into my writing. i’m glad to be here, because i neeeeed this <3 and i’m so glad you’re here, human connection and support is absolutely necessary.