this brain… it’s so smart and so dumb and frustrating and annoying but incredible and quite the blessing. how in the world do we live with such a crazy organ controlling us?!?!?!

but IS it controlling us? IS it??? i want to say yes cuz i know it is sometimes buuuut… it almost seems like there’s this unexplainable, sooooomething elsssssse. i say that with so much uncertainty but this afternoon in my teacher training one of the attendees was talking about how the brain is just an organ with a specific job just like our other organs.

Buuuuut the brain can see itself. Ooooor, it can listen to itself, orrr maybe it’s our “consciousness” that is able to see the thoughts in our own brains? i dunno but that shit is more complex than my brain can understand.

It’s fucking CRAZY that you can actually observe thoughts going thru your brain, i mean… are there two of me!?!?!

how can it be that i KNOW what is best for me yet there is part of me that insists on choosing the things that do not align with what I KNOW to be best for me? how the cuss does that work?

i know you know what i mean.

i don’t even know if this is accurate to say but it’s like “part” of my brain works habitually or, in a programmed method, like it’s trying to conserve energy, make routines and keep shit simple. which makes sense… but then there’s this other “part” of my brain that IF IT SO CHOOSES, can pay attention to myself performing habits and choose to stop them. [brain exploding emoji here]

alright so i know i’m not completely in control of my brain, that part is obvious, but am i in complete control of my consciousness? i thiiiink so.

i want my consciousness to gain enough strength to tame my mind. it’s impossible to stop thinking, i know that, but i can focus my thoughts. with brain endurance and strength i can stay aware and shift the thoughts as they come. but this mind is WILD, there are too many total thoughts, it’s impossible to shift them all.

mmmm i think it’s all starting to come together for me. if part of my brain is really good at habits, programs, and routines, and i teach my brain, using my consciousness, what is expected, what the common theme is and what direction i tend to push my thoughts, then the program can take over and attempt to keep up my good habits right?!!?

i dunno… i kinda feel like i don’t know my brain at all right now. i think i’ll pick back up “The Power of Now” and get back to you on this.